I have encountered yet another person who has experienced the hypocrisy of the "Christian" church. And it breaks my heart. I, myself, claim to be a Christian and am appalled by some of the actions of some of my brothers and sisters, and myself included. On behalf of all of us, I deeply apologize.
Two songs are on my mind tonight.
This one kind of describes my events for the night. Once again, I encourage a listen, it might just mean something to you.
born and raised to be an alcoholic
were you too old or young to stop it?
Christians in Black
-Christians in Black, Rogue Wave
and another, that is kind of my anthem for the moment. I feel it reflects my current state of mind; unsure of myself, yet confident for the future and blessed by those around me.
So you say I'm better off here,
as dry as the shoreline
in an ocean of fear
So you say that I can't be alive until there is nothing
when we're meeting eyes again...
Day by day I wander these halls,
and you're casting a shadow onto every wall
But all the way you ring in my ear
from the moment i knew you were leaving me here
This give and take this waiting on time
It's this twisted up memory that i can't unwind
These fragile words that come from my mouth
I'm crumbling and crowded, but i've figured you out
The shoreline calles the sea
for simple words and company
but words go on and on
till they collide and all is gone
I dive into the deep
into the sea inside of me
To find another song
to find a place where i belong
and i do feel like i belong. :)
That's all for today. It's not much, but it's what's on my mind.
Good Night.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Stand
i love this website: www.polyvore.com
You can go and make all sorts of creations with all sorts of visual elements provided for you! It's just wonderful! So i thought i'd share some of my work. If I can get it to embed for me!!!
This particular one is called "Stand" and was inspired by a Son Lux song by the same name. I encourage you to listen to the song and consider what it means to you. Actually, I encourage you to listen to the entire album - Son Lux: At War With Walls and Mazes. And you'll really have to give it a try - it's a little hard to listen to at first. You can't really sing along with it, and it's not really a toe tapping pick-me-up. It's "thinkin' music"...i think. His music is futuristic almost techno that is just layer upon layer of different sounds. In this particular song he repeats only 1 phrase the entire time ("You stand between me and all my enemies"), but I feel it is really effective in getting the message across. His voice is low and almost weak as he begins. The music is dark and slow. As the song builds you hear an opera singer in the background singing beautifully and dramitcally. It truly illustrates (for me) the caliber of the relationship between us and God. I am weak before God and fearful of Him because of His greatness; He doesn't let anything detrimental happen to me, He never puts me under anything that I cannot handle - He stands beteween me and my enemeies. I feel all of Son Lux's compositions on this album have a very spirtual message - perhaps what God is trying to say to us, or what we should be saying to Him. Either way, this is my creation inspired by this song. Enjoy.
Stand - by cdemay1017 on Polyvore.com
You can go and make all sorts of creations with all sorts of visual elements provided for you! It's just wonderful! So i thought i'd share some of my work. If I can get it to embed for me!!!
This particular one is called "Stand" and was inspired by a Son Lux song by the same name. I encourage you to listen to the song and consider what it means to you. Actually, I encourage you to listen to the entire album - Son Lux: At War With Walls and Mazes. And you'll really have to give it a try - it's a little hard to listen to at first. You can't really sing along with it, and it's not really a toe tapping pick-me-up. It's "thinkin' music"...i think. His music is futuristic almost techno that is just layer upon layer of different sounds. In this particular song he repeats only 1 phrase the entire time ("You stand between me and all my enemies"), but I feel it is really effective in getting the message across. His voice is low and almost weak as he begins. The music is dark and slow. As the song builds you hear an opera singer in the background singing beautifully and dramitcally. It truly illustrates (for me) the caliber of the relationship between us and God. I am weak before God and fearful of Him because of His greatness; He doesn't let anything detrimental happen to me, He never puts me under anything that I cannot handle - He stands beteween me and my enemeies. I feel all of Son Lux's compositions on this album have a very spirtual message - perhaps what God is trying to say to us, or what we should be saying to Him. Either way, this is my creation inspired by this song. Enjoy.
Stand - by cdemay1017 on Polyvore.com
I Love Mondays!
Because most of my closeset friends are all together in one room. And thanks to my new job it's about the only time i get to see them.
"God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ . . ." - Ephesians 5:5
To all of my friends: I am beyond thankful to have you in my life. I truly have been adopted into a loving family. There are not words (or at least i can't find them) to express how much you guys mean to me.
And I am thankful for my adopted Father. I am forever indebted to You; you have shown me a greater love than I will ever know. And it is beautiful.
God, i pray for growth. Remove me from my stagnant state; help me break through. I long to go to a deeper place with you. With your help alone will this be possible. I know that you are always at my side.
"God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ . . ." - Ephesians 5:5
To all of my friends: I am beyond thankful to have you in my life. I truly have been adopted into a loving family. There are not words (or at least i can't find them) to express how much you guys mean to me.
And I am thankful for my adopted Father. I am forever indebted to You; you have shown me a greater love than I will ever know. And it is beautiful.
God, i pray for growth. Remove me from my stagnant state; help me break through. I long to go to a deeper place with you. With your help alone will this be possible. I know that you are always at my side.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
The Beautiful Indifference: The Meaning
I first heard the term La Belle Indifference in my Psychiatric Nursing Class and it struck a chord in me (and not just because it sounds like the name of a band I would listen to).
- La Belle Indifference: literally, "The Beautiful Indifference"; a feature of conversion disorders involving an odd lack of concern about one's loss of funcitoning in some area of one's body.
It is often associated with conversion hysteria ( psychopathological condition characterized by the presence of bodily symptoms having no discernible physical cause but for which there is evidence of psychological conflict.)
No, I am not experiencing any inexplicable physical symptoms; however, i do feel that i am in fact harboring a great deal of indifference. I am a Christian, and and more than thankful and honored to be called a Child of God. But i must say that my growth in Christ and ahs a human has become stagnant, and quite frankly, it's starting to stink.
While I am aware of my stagnance, i am remarkably (or unremarkably) indifferent about it. Strange, (very strange, actually) because i am by nature an emotional and expressive person. It is inherent to the very fiber of my being to care - about everything. So my apparent lack of concern for this area of my life has me, well....concerned. Quite the conundrum, huh? Have I lost you yet? Because I lost me way back there!
This verse comes to mind:
"for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, 'Awake, o sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.'" - Ephesians 5:14
Dear God, help me to move towards you. Help me to rise from the swamp of stagnant waters and move into a place of growth. May the truth be made known about your character through me. Amen.
- La Belle Indifference: literally, "The Beautiful Indifference"; a feature of conversion disorders involving an odd lack of concern about one's loss of funcitoning in some area of one's body.
It is often associated with conversion hysteria ( psychopathological condition characterized by the presence of bodily symptoms having no discernible physical cause but for which there is evidence of psychological conflict.)
No, I am not experiencing any inexplicable physical symptoms; however, i do feel that i am in fact harboring a great deal of indifference. I am a Christian, and and more than thankful and honored to be called a Child of God. But i must say that my growth in Christ and ahs a human has become stagnant, and quite frankly, it's starting to stink.
While I am aware of my stagnance, i am remarkably (or unremarkably) indifferent about it. Strange, (very strange, actually) because i am by nature an emotional and expressive person. It is inherent to the very fiber of my being to care - about everything. So my apparent lack of concern for this area of my life has me, well....concerned. Quite the conundrum, huh? Have I lost you yet? Because I lost me way back there!
This verse comes to mind:
"for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, 'Awake, o sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.'" - Ephesians 5:14
Dear God, help me to move towards you. Help me to rise from the swamp of stagnant waters and move into a place of growth. May the truth be made known about your character through me. Amen.
The Beautiful Indifference: My Purpose for Being Here
And by that I mean, by being on this blog, not my life here one this earth. I'd certainly hope that my purpose is more than writing a few obscure words in a box...but I digress...
The Purpose of this blog is 2-fold...I guess...
1: For selfish reasons, I'm trying to force myself to think; to use my brain and search within the depths of myself, and maybe, just maybe, understand myself, my purpose, and our world a little better.
2: maybe it will help you think too, and then we can think and discuss together.
I don't want to blow by this life anymore without stopping to consider it - the things I've done, seen, or heard - and those I haven't; the people I've encountered; the lessons I've learned. God gave me a brain and much to do with it. It is time to get to work.
The Purpose of this blog is 2-fold...I guess...
1: For selfish reasons, I'm trying to force myself to think; to use my brain and search within the depths of myself, and maybe, just maybe, understand myself, my purpose, and our world a little better.
2: maybe it will help you think too, and then we can think and discuss together.
I don't want to blow by this life anymore without stopping to consider it - the things I've done, seen, or heard - and those I haven't; the people I've encountered; the lessons I've learned. God gave me a brain and much to do with it. It is time to get to work.
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